|(c) Lea Shariff|
We haven't met yet, and it may be many years before we do. But I'm a patient person. I like to think that when we do meet we'll know that we're the right match. I hear people say that. I don't know if it's really true. I hope it is.
I keep imagining you in our lives. I can't wait to introduce you to your new grandparents. They're a bit nervous at the moment but I'm sure they will love you when they meet you. I also want to show you the places and things I loved when I was a child. Searching for pebbles in the sunshine on Brighton Beach, having picnics in the wind on the Yorkshire Moors. We'll find new things to do too, and they'll be our things. Memories that you'll have and cherish as you grow in to an adult.
And I look at your room. The room we set aside for our child that has stood empty for so long. It's full of empty boxes right now, and we dry our clothes in there. But I know one day we'll clear those boxes out and start decorating. I imagine us shopping together and choosing new curtains and bed sheets. I know how important that was for me when I was a child, to be able to pick how my room was going to look. I want to give you that opportunity too, so you feel like you belong.
I also imagine your naughty times. When you've done something you shouldn't have. Maybe we'll fight and retreat to our own rooms angry and tearful. Then we'll make up again. We'll hug, there may be more tears, and we'll both make promises to try and consider each other's feelings more in the future.
At times when I think of you my heart aches, because I know your journey in coming to us has been full of pain. After the sadness I feel anger. But as I don't know you, or your birth parents so I don't really have the right to criticise. I know nothing about either of you.
One day we will meet and maybe I'll realise that all I imagined was wrong. Our lives will play out in a completely different way to what I expected. But I'm ready for that too. As much as I think about you I try to think nothing about you too.
For more information and advice about adoption, please visit the BAAF website: http://www.baaf.org.uk